CelestialFamily » funny stuff

Rog Tales

Michael — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 11:31:00 +0000

When dad died ten years ago we all got together and shared stories about him. I was intrigued by the responses that some of the younger members of the family had to the stories. They had never heard many of them. At the time I promised my youngest sister that I’d do a better job of telling the stories and keeping them alive. I haven’t done a very good job of that but suffice it to say that this is my first attempt.

A couple weeks ago I went through a drive-thru with Rachel and a memory of my dad popped into my head. It was nothing really profound, just a funny event that had happened.

It was the early 80s and Rog and I were in a hurry to get somewhere. We were in “Thumper” our brown 76 VW Rabbit, we were both hungery but didn’t have a lot of time. Rog pulled into the Wendy’s in Tucker, drove right past the microphone and straight over to the pick-up window. The girl at the window looked out and said, “That’ll be $8.75” Dad paid, handed me the bag and the drinks and drove off. As soon as we got on the road he looks over at me and asks, “What did we get?”. I don’t remember what we actually ended up with. I was just stunned by his breach of drive-thru protocol. I can only imagine the conversation that followed when the next driver came to pick up his order.

Totally Looks Like…

Michael — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 18:05:00 +0000

So there is this website where people post pictures of two things that look similar called totallylookslike and a few weeks ago a friend had an experience where he found two book covers that looked really similar. Well the same thing happened to me last night. I was in bed Reading Proofiness by Charles Seife and Victoria comes up stairs and puts her book on the nightstand next to mine, Slights of Mind by Stephen L. Macknik. You be the judge.

Totally Looks Like…

Michael — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 18:05:00 +0000

Bumper Sticker logic

Michael — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:52:00 +0000

Friday on my lunch hour walk I saw a car with the following two bumper stickers.

I felt like taking a sharpie to the reamaining blank space and adding, "ergo the driver of this car sucks."

Tools

Michael — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 11:19:00 +0000

I saw this on one of the VW forums and thought it was funny enough to share.

Enjoy

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beverage across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ’ "insert your favorite curse word"!’

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing projects.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle… It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms in the process.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

("Insert your favorite curse word") TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, "(Insert your favorite curse word)"! ’ at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need

VW engine swap

Michael — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 11:32:00 +0000

We put the motor back in in about 30 minutes. We need to practice a little more.

Riding in Cars with Boys

Michael — Sun, 23 May 2010 02:43:00 +0000

This conversation took place while driving three ten year-old boys who are unapologetic geeks to the movies.

Noah: I'm telekinetic
Me: Oh really? Well if you're telekinetic raise my hand.
pause
Me: But I really am telekinetic.
Boy1: Oh Yeah, prove it.
Me: I can make everybody in this car suddenly lurch forward.
At this point I was coming to a stop anyway so I hit the brakes a little harder that I normally would have.
Noah, Boy1 and Boy2: (in unison) That's not telekinetic. That's just kinetic.

Our ’76 VolksWagen Westfalia

Michael — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 22:28:00 +0000

I had a couple people ask why I hadn’t posted anything for a while. So I figured a little bit of an explanation was in order.
I have a confession to make. I've been having an affair with a high maintenance 34 year-old. She's really cute but she need a lot of attention. I've had to run errands for her on my lunch hours and she's made me spend most of my evenings with her lately. So she's been getting in hte way of some of typical blogging time.
Here are a few pictures.

Here she is. She's a 1976 Volkswagen Campmobile.

Eve loves to help me work on her. She's helping me change the fuel lines in this picutre.

Manly Sweaty Doll Blogger Award.

Michael — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:00:00 +0000

I typically don't pass along these silly memes on my blog but what the heck.

I have been challenged to answer at least four of the following questions: Tell a couple of things about yourself, the name of your favorite guy book, your favorite sports moment, favorite MANLY MAN movie, favorite manly music, and your Favorite Food with No Nutritional Value.

1. I once swapped drivers in a moving car by going across the windshield Dukes Hazard style. Of course it was in a VW Rabbit and we weren't going all that fast.
2. I had a the coolest job a High School kid could have in 1983. I built and tested arcade games.
3. Favorite Guy Book: Touching the Void by Joe Simpson, the most griping armchair mountaineering book every written. This book will either inspire you to climb big mountains or scare you to a life of sitting behind a remote control with little grey in between.
4. Favorite Sports Moment: Sid Bream outrunning Barry Bond's throw and just sliding in under the catch of Mike LaValliere to win the 1992 NLCS for the Braves.
5. Favorite Manly Movie: The Hunt For Red October, no explanation needed.
6. Favorite Manly Music: Lately I've been really digging Apocolyptica
7. Favorite Food with No Nutritional Value: That chocolate raspberry stuff at Brusters.

I'm not gonna tag anybody specifically but If you feel like participating knock yourself out.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Michael — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:04:00 +0000